{"id":13406,"date":"2024-09-05T14:52:48","date_gmt":"2024-09-05T21:52:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/?p=13406"},"modified":"2024-09-05T14:52:52","modified_gmt":"2024-09-05T21:52:52","slug":"i-dont-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/i-dont-know\/","title":{"rendered":"I Don’t Know . . ."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Note from Marlene:<\/strong> I am very excited to share Jennifer’s post with you. Since my passion is how to write about difficult subjects without adding trauma, I am especially grateful to Jennifer for addressing this topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jennifer’s eloquent writing on what she doesn\u2019t know about her father is outstanding and an example of how you can write about \u201cwhat you don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guest Blogger Jennifer Leigh Selig:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I lead memoir writing retreats, I like to kickstart the mornings with writing prompts. One of the tricks of my trade is a manilla envelope stuffed with images I\u2019ve printed out of vintage and iconic toys and games from across the decades. It\u2019s a ritual I cherish\u2014spreading these images out on the long conference room tables, imagining my students\u2019 delight as they light upon a special toy or game that brings back fond memories, and then watching them begin to furiously write.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This last retreat was different. I found myself tearing up as I laid out the pictures of the Kewpie doll and the troll. I found those tears falling as I laid out the pictures of Clue and Yahtzee. So many of the toys and games took me back to my beloved grandmother\u2019s house. This was the first retreat I led since her death at 102 years old. I was blessed with 60 years of my life with her. And now no more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wiped my tears away before anyone entered the room. Sitting alone in the circle, I wondered if there was any writing prompt I could give that wouldn\u2019t trigger someone. Even asking: \u201cWrite a happy memory about your mother\u201d is fraught with danger. What if someone has no happy memories of their mother? What if someone\u2019s mother has just been diagnosed with a terminal disease? What if someone has no mother?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then I remembered a writing prompt a teacher gave me that triggered a torrent of furious writing. I shared that piece with my students, to acknowledge that any prompt, no matter how seemingly innocuous, can stir something deep within.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For fifteen minutes, write about your father\u2019s eating habits. Remember the journalistic imperative to include what, how, where, when, and why, all aiming to flesh out a deeper sense of who your father is. Follow the writer\u2019s adage to write what you know.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know a thing about what<\/em> my father eats. I don\u2019t know if he peppers everything he eats with tons of salt or if sugar is his road to ruin. I don\u2019t know if he frequents farmers\u2019 markets for the freshest produce or if he stockpiles boxes of frozen food in his grocery store cart. I don\u2019t know if he goes to the grocery store or if that\u2019s the province of his wife. (I don\u2019t know if my father even has a wife.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know a thing about how<\/em> my father eats. I don\u2019t know if he\u2019s a gentleman who savors each bite or a feral animal who wolfs down his plate. I don\u2019t know if he smacks his food with relish, if he rests his elbows on the table, if he licks his fingers or knows to use a napkin. I don\u2019t know whether he dives straight into a meal, or if he stops to thank God first. (I don\u2019t know if my father even believes in God.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know a thing about where<\/em> my father eats. I don\u2019t know if he eats standing up in the kitchen or if he takes a plate to the sofa where he can watch sports on TV. I don\u2019t know if his taste skews toward fine dining establishments or all-you-can-eat buffets or if he prefers eating at home. (I don\u2019t know where my father\u2019s home even is.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know a thing about when<\/em> my father eats. I don\u2019t know if he\u2019s a creature of habit or if he eats when he\u2019s hungry, regardless of the hour. I don\u2019t know if he eats after smoking or smokes after eating, or if a happy-hour cocktail always precedes dinner. I don\u2019t know if his children nag him for skipping a meal, or scold him for snacking all day. (I don\u2019t know if my father even has other children.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know a thing about why<\/em> my father eats. I don\u2019t know if he\u2019s trying to gain or lose weight, to lower his cholesterol, to control his diabetes, or to stave off cancer. I don\u2019t know if he eats when he\u2019s stressed or he eats when he\u2019s bored. I don\u2019t know if he eats for pure pleasure or whether he eats to stay alive. (I don\u2019t know if my father is even alive.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If my father is no longer alive, I don\u2019t know where<\/em> he died, when<\/em> he died, or why<\/em> he died. I don\u2019t know how <\/em>he died, or what<\/em> he was doing when he died. I don\u2019t know whether he is interred in a tomb where coffin flies feast on his corpse or if he was buried at sea where fish nibble on his flesh or if they bled him out before they burned him to ashes and scattered him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I cannot flesh out my father, Teacher. I cannot write what I know, because I do not know the flesh and the blood of my father.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

___<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a writer, I was seething. Not seething at my teacher, though the prompt did seem presumptuous. But in the end, I\u2019m glad I wrote to it. It was good to see how bad I still feel that half of who I came from is a ghost. This is the raw power of writing prompts crafted by others\u2014when we open our memory bank, we have no idea if the coins will fall out heads or tails, or which is best for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I tell my students\u2014I\u2019m going to give you writing prompts this week. Even if I don\u2019t mean it to, any prompt may trigger distressful or traumatic memories. If you go there, it may hurt. If you go there, it may help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a coin toss, really.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider this your warning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Originally published as \u201cShould All Writing Prompts Come With a Trigger Warning?\u201d<\/a> By Jennifer Leigh Selig on the September 2 Brevity Blog.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jennifer Leigh Selig<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0is an LBGTQ+ teacher, book publisher, and author whose writing career spans nearly four decades. Her most recent book is\u00a0Deep Memoir: An Archetypal Approach to Deepen Your Story and Broaden Its Appeal<\/em>, a companion to her co-written Nautilus Gold award-winning book,\u00a0Deep Creativity: Seven Ways to Spark Your Creative Spirit.\u00a0<\/em>Learn more about Jennifer and her writing classes<\/a>\u00a0and her publishing companies<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your turn:<\/strong> I don’t know . . . <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Choose a prompt<\/a> from The Write Spot Blog and Just Write!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the topic is difficult, please take care while writing<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Write What You Know: What Does That Mean, Exactly?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Write Spot: Healing as a Path to Healing<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Note from Marlene: I am very excited to share Jennifer’s post with you. Since my passion is how to write about difficult subjects without adding trauma, I am especially grateful to Jennifer for addressing this topic. Jennifer’s eloquent writing on what she doesn\u2019t know about her father is outstanding and an example of how you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[104],"tags":[1740,2004,2003,1399,1190],"class_list":["post-13406","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-guest-bloggers","tag-brevity-blog","tag-deep-memoir","tag-jennifer-leigh-selig","tag-the-write-spot-writing-as-a-path-to-healing","tag-writing-freely-just-write-writing-prompts-the-write-spot-blog"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p43Dj8-3ue","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13406","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13406"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13406\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13411,"href":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13406\/revisions\/13411"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13406"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13406"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thewritespot.us\/marlenecullenblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13406"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}