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Advice From a Dog
By DSBriggs
Find yourself a good owner. In addition to catering to your every whim a good owner should incorporate these other qualities, I explain below.
Get someone with good knees because they will need to get up and down when you want to go in and out.
Also someone with an opposable thumb so they can operate a can opener to serve you wet food. Which, of course, you should refuse to eat at first.
Gradually your owner will succumb to your training. This is good when selecting snack treats. Note your owner’s preference (usually the cheapest) as the one treat you refuse.
Get someone who knows that there is a difference between walks: fast, get down to business or mosey which should be called nosey. Serious nose work cannot be rushed.
Train your owner to keep their balance when you:
a) see a squirrel
b) see another dog
c) spot a cat
d) jerk from a sudden stop for a particularly interesting pee-mail. Some pee-mails take longer to decipher if multiple users have posted.
Make sure your owner has good fingernails for applying skritches around ears. A good skritch is deep and hits the right spot. Belly rubs are an acceptable skritch replacement if you are lying down.
An option for you to score big time is to show preference for a yard with afternoon shade and morning sun spots. You want to have bushes for back rubs if grass is not included.
Good water supply and quick access to the house are basic rights.
Regarding fences, a fence will allow you more free roaming space since no fence is too worrisome for owner. They will insist you stay in the yard and away from traffic. However, if you are really lucky, and there is only a perimeter fence, you can easily access the front yard. UPS drivers have been known for carrying treats and as long as you do not harass the mailman, your front yard can provide many hours of entertainment.
Another trait a good owner will have is letting you have many beds. You show your greatness of heart by allowing them to call the biggest bed “their” bed. This discussion of ownership is moot, of course, if they are foolish enough to own an air or waterbed. A good bed is soft, contains a cuddle blanket and a variety of toys. Some of you may prefer crates, but having no experience with them, I cannot advise.
Many of you may substitute couches and chairs for your own bed, that is fine. Just be aware that having your own bed saves you from being displaced and embarrassed when rude humans take up all the room on your couch.
Well, I have enjoyed advising you and wish you good luck in your choice of ownership.
There are probably other pieces of advice I could impart but my nap and need for 14 hours of snooze time is just a fact of this dog’s life.
Dictated by Moose to his owner who is able to type and translate. Must be their opposable thumbs.
DSBriggs and Moose live in Northern California. After retiring from teaching, DSB began writing. Marlene Cullen’s Jumpstart format of writing to a prompt in a short time period has been a perfect match. DSB’s writing appears in The Write Spot Anthologies, available from Amazon.
Moose is DSB’s 12-year-old sugar-faced, brindle mix of lab and hound rescue. He enjoys walks and running her exercise program.
