The Write Spot Blog by Marlene Cullen

Tag: memoir

  • Making sense of something senseless

    I have re-read a Wall Street Journal article numerous times since its publication, July 2024, partly because of the subject, mostly because of the riveting way it was written . . . the account of the days before and after Rachel Zimmerman’s husband’s death by his own hand.

    “As a health reporter, I wrote years ago about a study that showed the psychological benefits of storytelling. I was fascinated by research that found that people felt differently about themselves and their lives when they reframed their stories so that they were agents, not victims or bystanders. Essentially, the story matters less than how we tell it to ourselves.” Rachel Zimmerman, “A Decade Ago, My Husband Killed Himself. Could I Have Stopped it?” The Wall Street Journal, July 6-7, 2024

    As Zimmerman wrote, “This is my effort to make sense of something senseless.”

    Both Zimmerman and Samantha Rose (Giving Up The Ghost) wrote about extremely difficult subjects with an eloquence that makes their writing and their stories memorable.

    The trick to writing about hard topics is to practice self-care while writing.

    Tips when writing is challenging:

    On The Write Spot website:

    How to write about difficult events without adding trauma

    Book Six in The Write Spot series:  Writing as Path to Healing

    Books by Rachel Zimmerman

    Us, After: A Memoir of Love and Suicide

    Editor/co-author, The Healing Power of Storytelling: Using Personal Narrative to Navigate Illness, Trauma and Loss

    “If we write about our pain, we heal gradually, instead of feeling powerless and confused, and we move to a position of wisdom and power.” — Louise DeSalvo, Writing as a Way of Healing

  • Giving Up The Ghost

    Even though “Giving Up The Ghost” by Samantha Rose is about a difficult topic (her mother’s decision to end her life), the gorgeous writing, the meaningful themes, and demonstrations of the importance of connections make this a powerhouse of a memoir.

    I was curious how Sam accomplished this masterpiece, so I took a deep dive to discover how she did this; reading the first time to learn the story, the second time to discover gems I missed the first time, and a third exploration, using “Ghost” as a textbook for how to write a memoir.

    Sam skillfully uses sensory detail and strong verbs to word-paint scenes that readers can “see,” unspooling across their minds like a well-crafted movie.

    Her ability to transform conversations and scenes into poignant moments paired with her willingness to be vulnerable while releasing the truth of her mother’s life and death are remarkable.

    Sam’s mother, Susan Swartz, was a popular journalist who uncovered facts at a time when people wanted and needed to be informed. Sam expertly captures meaningful truths about life, connections, mental health, friendships, grief, moving on, keeping secrets, and profound wisdom in sharing her journey traveling from disbelief to realizations about people, life, and our journeys.

    “Giving Up The Ghost” is so much more than a daughter’s telling the story of how her mother died.

    Sam’s unique ability to tell her family story in an honest and forthright manner with a variety of important themes rocked my world.

    One of the threads in this strong story is the idea of being a witness to one another’s lives. Sam explores the idea that after someone dies, especially someone who has been in your life for a long time, they are no longer a witness to your life.

    I never thought about this. After reading “Ghost,” I realize the importance of this concept: How we are witnesses to one another’s lives and what that means.

    Sam grapples with (and comes to a resolution) about what happens when the person who has known us the longest dies prematurely. What happens when we no longer have that person in our lives? How do we go on?

    Now, I’m contemplating that concept.

    I asked Sam how she became such a good writer.

    She answered, “I’m a visual person. I write what I see.”

    “And,” she added, “I’m a good listener.”

    Excerpt from the prelude:

    “. . . the best books challenge readers to see things in a way they haven’t before.”

    “Giving Up the Ghost” did that for me.

  • As writers, we’re often . . .

    “As writers, we’re often trained to seek momentum—significant events, turning moments, the big emotional payoff. Especially in memoir, there’s pressure to magnify the trauma or spin a grand arc of triumph. But when I sat down to write, what called to me weren’t the headlines. It was the folds in between.” — Mary Monoky, “What Stillness Taught Me About Story,” August 6, 2025, The Brevity Blog

  • Memory is a river, not a block of cement

    “Alternate versions of past events are common, because it is human nature, especially where childhood memories are concerned, to move ourselves—over time—to the center of a story. We are hardwired to see the world through our own points of view, and increasingly so with the passage of time. Memory is a river, not a block of cement.” — “But My Sister Remembers It Differently: On Working with Contested Memories,” by Dinty Moore, Aug. 15, 2024 Brevity Blog.

  • Childhood Stories . . . Prompt #745

    Stories from our childhood can be rich material to write about.

    Let’s start with going back in time.

    See yourself at 6 years of age, five years, 4 years.

    See yourself at the kitchen table where you ate breakfast.

    Maybe swinging your legs because your feet couldn’t reach the floor.

    Listen. Hear the adult chatter. 

    Maybe there was no ‘round the kitchen table time for you.

    Maybe it was a picnic table, or a dining room table.

    Perhaps there was no table.

    Maybe family time was in the family room, or the TV room, the den, or the rumpus room.

    Possibly there was no family time. Friends might have been significant in your child life.

    Maybe most of your childhood was spent outside.

    Take a deep breath in. Let it out.

    See the room or the place where you spent a lot of time as a child.

    Write about that place.

    Describe the place.

    Why did you go there?

    When did you go there?

    What happened there?

    Step into it. What do you see? What do you smell? What do you notice?

    Just write!

    #amwriting #iamawriter #justwrite

  • Lies, humiliation, secrets . . . Prompt #604

    Memoir is similar to many elements of fiction: Careful scene setting, pacing, tension, conflict.

    Seduce the reader with a confiding tone.

    Reveal secrets. The best secrets are those that the author reveals or learns about self in the process, “Ah, did I really think that?”

    Readers are interested in your conflicts.

    It’s important to modulate good times and bad times.

    “The best memoirs explore and reveal conflict in a way that illuminates and startles.” —Kat Meads

    Consider the scope of your memoir. It’s not necessary to start from when you were born and work your way up. Don’t try to write about everything. Take one aspect. The year you were in Paris, for example.

    If you go with a chronological way of telling, share just the important events that shaped you.

    The idea is to look objectively at your life to write a richer subjective memoir.

    Part of writing memoir is reacquainting ourselves with ourselves.

    Ways to delve into writing your memoir:

    Your childhood home

    ~Draw a picture of a house you grew up in. If you grew up in more than one house, pick one at a time to write about.

    ~ Write three memories that took place in this house.

    ~Put an x on those rooms where the memories took place.

    ~Write a paragraph about an early memory that took place in this house.

    An eventful day

    ~Pick a significant day in your life. Write a brief paragraph about what the event was and why it was significant

    ~List five or eight details about that day

    Time capsule

    ~ Write about five items that would define you to put into a time capsule

    Lies, humiliation, secrets

    Write about a lie you told. What were the circumstances surrounding that lie? What prompted you to tell it? What were (or are) the consequences of that lie? Did you get away with it? What effect has it had on you?

    Sentence starter: “The day that _________ humiliated me.”

    What is your longest kept secret?

    “You must not tell anyone, my mother said, what I’m about to tell you.” —Maxine Hong Kingston

    If you were going to start a memoir with that sentence . . . what would you write next?

    This blog post is inspired from a writing workshop with Kat Meads.

    More about writing memoir:

    Write Memoir in Voice of Narrator

    Memoirs as text books

    What is Memoir Good for?

    #amwriting   #justwrite   #memoir  

  • Memoirs As Textbooks

    Use a published memoir as a textbook to write your memoir.

    Read the memoir. Read it again to examine structure.

    Notice where author used narration vs. dialogue to tell the story. Notice the balance between fast-paced action scenes and slower, contemplative scenes. Note when and how backstory is used.

    Let’s use Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt as our textbook.

    McCourt’s ability to write as if experiencing events as they unfold, pacing, and his strong writing voice made Angela’s Ashes a New York Times beloved best seller.

    Angela’s Ashes takes the reader on an emotional journey. There is so much vulnerability in this book. McCourt reaches into our compassionate hearts as he tells his story, moving from childhood to adulthood.

    He weaves details into a story, similar to the Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls.

    McCourt taps into universal messages and themes.

    Understanding your theme will help to write your memoir.

    Possible themes:

    Being different                 

    Poverty

    Religion

    Coming of age                  

    Alcohol/drug use

    Death

    Despair

    Dignity

    Disease

    Ethnicity                           

    Feeling helpless

    Not fitting in

    Technique

    McCourt uses a variety of techniques to create intimacy in his themed books of children in poverty in Ireland. He changes his writing voice and tone to match his age progression.

    He employs rhythm and repetition, keeping the thread of the theme/plot running throughout the book.

    He “shows” situations so that readers understand what is going on. There is a lot that doesn’t get said. For example, when Frank’s sibling dies, and when a friend’s sister dies, there are no death scenes. Rather, there is action and dialogue seen through the lens of children. This is one method of avoiding too much tragedy: Keep it fast paced and use humor where you can. No woe is me, no pity-parties.

    When writing about unsavory characters, use compassion and find redemption.

    These ideas are based on a webinar by Linda Jo Myers and Brooke Warner, intertwined with my thoughts and observations.

    Another example of going deep in writing and willing to be vulnerable about a difficult subject is “Meeting My Father,” which I wrote and published in The Write Spot: Memories. I have written in my journal about my father for over thirty years. After a series of fortunate experiences, I had the epiphany that he was more than a Third Street bum and more than just a sperm donor. I was able to give him the loving tribute I felt he deserved, even though I do not have one good memory of him.

    More thoughts about writing memoir:

    Write Memoir in Voice of Narrator

    Does Your Memoir Have A Theme?

    Mini Memoirs Unfold Naturally

  • Guest Blogger Frances Lefkowitz

    Today’s guest blogger, Frances Lefkowitz, writes about the importance of family stories and keeping memories alive.

    Telling stories ‘round the table, can increase well-being, reduce anxiety and depression, reinforce feelings of closeness among family members, and build resilience for navigating life’s normal ups and downs.

    Stories about something good coming from something bad are particularly therapeutic.

    When something bad happens, but you find a way to use it to your advantage, you redeem (and transform) the negative experience.

    The tales need to be structured, with a beginning, a middle, and — most crucial — an end, a conclusion that makes sense of the situation and gives it meaning.

    Tips for getting the storytelling started:

    1. Share photos: Albums, yearbooks, holiday photos, loose photos in shoeboxes.

    2. Start and continue traditions. Rituals contribute to stories.

    3. Share stories during mealtimes.

    Frances Lefkowitz has spent over twenty years writing and publishing.

    The author of two biographies and a memoir, To Have Not, about growing up poor in 1970s San Francisco. 

    Frances leads popular writing workshops, and has developed a self-editing technique that she teaches to writers so they can revise and edit their own work. As founder and director of the grant-funded Community Memoir Project, she brings free memoir-writing workshops to public libraries and community centers, and publishes anthologies of these under-represented voices.

    Frances finally making it down the face of an 8-footer in Costa Rica, after getting dumped over the falls approximately 50 times. Practice makes perfect, in surfing and in writing.

  • Mini memoirs unfold naturally

    Remember the joke: “How do you eat an elephant?”

    “One bite at a time.”

    Same with writing memoir . . . one incident at a time.

    “Whether your life story has an over-arching motif or you plan to cobble together a montage of more diverse meditations, the project can seem less overwhelming if you approach it as a series of mini memoirs—two-to three-page essays . . . pivotal points. . . in the broader portrait of your life.” Richard Campbell, January 2017 Writers Digest

    “The beauty in approaching your life story in terms of mini memoirs is that when it comes to themes, you don’t have to pick just one. Write scenes or vignettes on each theme that speaks to you.

    You may find that mini memoirs unfold more naturally than the more unwieldy, longer story you have to tell—and that they build momentum strong enough to carry you through the manuscript.”

    More on How To Write Memoir:

    How To Write A Memoir – Part One

    How To Write A Memoir – Part Two

    However you decide to write . . . Just Write!

  • Short essays can be a goldmine.

    Today’s guest blog post is excerpted from Anne R. Allen’s Blog… with Ruth Harris. Writing about writing. Mostly. 

    Book length memoir is a hard sell, but short essays can be a goldmine.

    Memoir is the most popular genre at any writers’ conference.

    Unfortunately, it’s the hardest to write well—and the least likely to be successful if you’re an unknown newbie writer.

    That’s because book-length memoir isn’t likely to become a bestseller unless people already know who you are.

    So how do you get people to know you? You could become a reality TV star, run for political office, or be related to somebody who marries into the British royal family of course, but not everybody has that option.

    You can also work to get yourself known through social media, which I recommend for all memoirists.

    Start a blog, podcast, or vlog on the subject or setting of your memoir and put some serious effort into promoting it through social media (also known as “building platform”).

    It also helps to publish short memoir pieces and personal essays in traditional venues. If you’ve been working on that memoir a while, you probably have the material mostly written in the form of a book length memoir.

    With a few tweaks, your excerpts can become publishable personal essays.

    And the good news is, those short pieces can pay very well. Look at the fantastic success of anthologies like the Chicken Soup series. And if you get into an anthology along with some well-known authors, you’ll establish a fanbase that would take years to garner with a solo book release.

    To read Anne’s entire blog post, including “Tips on Getting An Audience for Your Blog” and an essay by award-winning author and editor Paul Alan Fahey on how to expand a scene from your memoir (or directly from your life) into a flash memoir piece or personal essay, click on: Writing Memoir that Sells: Think Outside the Book!