The Write Spot Blog by Marlene Cullen

Tag: Toxic Mom Toolkit

  • How To Write A Memoir — Part One

    Your Life. You lived it. Surely you can write about it. Right?

    In How To Write A Memoir, Part 1, we’ll discuss methods and ideas about writing personal stories, with links to published memoirs.

    How To Write A Memoir, Part 2, we’ll cover organizing, revising and more.

    You can write in chronological order, or build your story around pivotal events. In the beginning, it doesn’t matter what structure you use. Write in a style that is comfortable for you. Try one way and if isn’t working for you, try something else.

    Memoirs written in chronological order (with back story woven in): To Have Not by Frances Lefkowitz  and Grief Denied by Pauline Laurent.

    Rachael Herron, A Life in Stitches, assembles her stories around her knitting experiences.

    For the first draft, it’s fine to jump around in time. Don’t worry too much about making sense in the early stage of writing. Get your stories written. Organize later.

    Paper or Computer?
    You can write using paper and pen/pencil or on a computer. Or both. For the most part, it doesn’t matter which method you use. The advantage of a computer is it’s (usually) faster. The advantage of paper and pen or pencil is the portability. Some people suggest there are benefits to handwriting for accessing creativity.

    Self-care

    If remembering and writing details about your life is difficult, it’s very important to have a strategy to avoid additional trauma. Create a self-care plan to protect yourself when writing about deeply painful topics.

    Writing Prompts

    You can use writing prompts to jumpstart your freewrites, to trigger memories and to make discoveries. Choose a prompt, write for 15 or 20 minutes. Take a break. Next time, choose another prompt. Good prompts to get started are:

    I remember . . .

    I don’t remember . . .

    In this photo, I . . .

    In this photo, you . . .

    family photosPhotos

    You can use photos to inspire your writing. First, look at the photo. Write all the details that you can see. Write about what happened before and after the photo was taken. Write about feelings you have connected with this photo.

    Photos might remind you about activities, important occasions and details that you may have forgotten. Did Grandpa always wear that hat? Did Grandma wear her apron with the little flower print every day, even on holidays? My Nana did.

    Other Memoirs

    Read memoirs to get an idea of how you want to proceed with your memoir. Some styles will appeal to you. Others aren’t right for you. You can read reviews on both Amazon and Goodreads to research different styles of memoirs.

    Susan Bono, What Have We Here, grouped her personal essays by theme.

    Rayne Wolfe, Toxic Mom Toolkit, braids three strands: her memoir, excerpts from others and toolkits.

    Janice Crow, I Give You My Word, created poems and watercolors to enhance exploring her journey.

    Story Telling

    When writing, think of yourself as a storyteller. In this story, you are the main character. Your family and friends are the supporting cast members. When you write, don’t think of any of these cast members. Write events (scenes) as you remember them, without worries (for now) about accuracy. With the first draft, put on your story-telling hat and write what happened.

    Research

    Interview family members, friends and acquaintances to learn details you may not know. You might realize a broader perspective from hearing other points of view.

    Research news, locally and world-wide, during the time period your story takes place. Tie in events with your story, if appropriate. Fact check details: slang, clothing styles, popular dances, technical gadgetry, geographical, etc.

    Take a few minutes

    After you have written all that you want to say, spend some time reflecting. What compelled you to write these stories?

    Perhaps your writing is a learning tool to understand what happened and to educate others as Piri Thomas does in Down These Mean Streets.

    Maybe your desire is to get these stories off your chest, to vent, to release emotions as well as help others similar to Ellevie by Marcelle Evie Guy.

    Maybe you want to record family stories, to document your family history.

    How To Write A Memoir – Part 2, we explore what to do after you have written your memoir, revision and the business of writing.

    woman writingFinal Comments
    This likely will be an emotional project. Take whatever time you need for breaks. Remember to exercise, go on walks, drink water and find joy, wherever you can.

    Just Write

    There are over 200 prompts on The Write Spot Blog. Use them for your memoir, for personal exploration and for fun!

     

     

  • Guest Blogger Rayne Wolfe: Trust your first readers.

    Guest Blogger Rayne Wolfe, Author of Toxic Mom Toolkit, talks about the pain and acceptance of comments and criticism when others critique your writing.

    “Listening to criticism with an open heart is hard, but it always pays off.”

    Rayne WolfeLearning to Love Our First Readers

    I was in a classroom at the Catamaran Literary Conference in Pebble Beach, my first writing conference ever, and a fellow writer was ripping my work apart. I could feel the shame rise up in my chest, coloring my neck and face with a dark blush.

    Sitting there among very accomplished writers, including literary prizewinners, even college professors who were all certainly better writers than me, my ears began to ring. Nerves.

    This fellow writer, who ran her own popular writing conference each summer, was picking apart a chapter from my new book.

    After publishing my memoir, Toxic Mom Toolkit in 2013, I was tackling a companion workbook on going “no contact” with very toxic people, including toxic mothers.

    My chapter draft began:

    You’ve told losers to hit the road.

     You’ve left jobs that were demanding demoralizing dead-ends.

     You’ve even moved from one end of the country to the other – one of the most stressful things you can do – other than giving a Ted Talk. So why is it to hard to break up with your toxic mother?

    As my blush rose past my chin and raced up towards my eyebrows, the writer was saying in front of everyone,

    “As I was reading this, my first thought was, well, don’t a lot of people who were raised in toxic families have a hard time asserting themselves? Some of these things you’re assuming everyone has done –- I haven’t done, when maybe I wanted to. Some people are timid and I think you should mix these up with much smaller life victories…”

    Trying to listen and smile at the same time, a wonderful thought hit me: Yeah, this might feel bad in the moment but it was no different than notes from a first reader.

    Plus – dang it! – She was absolutely right. My opener needed work.

    Over my ringing ears I visualized a slew of very personal essays I’ve written for newspapers and magazines. I recently contributed a story about my father to The Adoptee’s Handbook. My memoir about growing up with a toxic mother includes neglect and abuse. With over 5,000 printed articles under my byline, I’d earned my writer’s thick skin, hadn’t I?

    First readers, those smart people you pick to be your second set of eyes, are usually trusted fellow writers. They should understand you and your topics but also look at life a bit differently than you.

    Native Cover.4417111.inddWhen I was writing Toxic Mom Toolkit, I chose five first readers. My team included a couple of writers I’ve known for over 15 years, then I added some wild cards: my friend the dairy rancher who is an avid reader, my friend the landscaper who always wins at Trivia Pursuit, and my husband, Mr. Logical. After three years of writing and double-checking and editing, they each found typos and logic breaks and repetitions of parts of stories I had missed.

    It is in trusting first readers to help you, that you can feel confident with your final manuscript.

    I looked up and made eye contact with the woman giving me feedback. Realizing she was no different than a blessed first reader, I smiled and felt the rush of nerves subside.

    Listening to criticism with an open heart is hard, but it always pays off. At the end of the four-day conference I drove home with a big smile and a folder full of great feedback from very generous fellow writers.

    Rayne Wolfe will be the presenter at the October 15, 2015 Writers Forum, talking about The Art of the Interview.