10 comments

  1. Ke11y

    Regret v Acceptance

    The gathering of years clearly shows itself in my beard and on my temples. I think about death but not what lies beyond. You see, I’m at an age where I wonder if I’ve got everything in place for my children; shown them love and not just spoken it. This is important to me in my life. Death was always a faraway subject; valuing only enterprise and achievement as goals. The fact is I will not be taking anything more out of this world than I came in with. I was never the best husband, often faltering as a father, nor is anything in my life worth recording; yet I have put all my vitality into it. Hardship came as it comes to everyone, without exception, urging me to overcome difficulty and weakness and grief. The hardest thing to face in life was not death, the loss of my wife and son, though bitter I am about it, but living onward of that with an encumbered lack of tenderness. Taking risks was what my life has seemed to be about, either in my career or adventure. I have judged people too easily. What on earth possesses a man to feel that he must set an example that cannot be bettered I do not know, and to my grave I will wonder about that. I have lived this long only to build up reserves of energy which serve to protect the sensitive spots, suffering occasional frost-bite when asked for the truth!

    I did not learn early enough that love would overcome everything, or that imperishable friendships are an obligation we should all strive to earn and cherish. We should, in my opinion, seek to serve others as well as ourselves. If we do that, if we can meet the needs of others in hardship and stand by them, then perhaps, whatever heaven is, we will enter it, unfettered of religion or prayers. The years have made me intolerant of youth; that is so sad, but is due to some lack of understanding, and too much expectation. So the learning is never done.

    1. mcullen Post author

      There is some writing, when I read it, I think, “Brilliant. . . this writer has captured the essence of what I think and believe.” Kelly, you have done that with your writing. I also feel: “nor is anything in my life worth recording; yet I have put all my vitality into it.” Oh, and that frost-bite. . . yes, I have felt that and hope to avoid it in the future. I wonder if that’s even possible. I agree and live with the concept that “friendships are an obligation we should all strive to earn and cherish.” I believe that “learning is never done.” Well, maybe until the very end. Maybe then we can let go and say,”I have lived a good life.” One can only hope.

      1. Ke11y

        Marlene:

        You never fail to fluff up my feathers! I would willingly scrub your blackboard clean, and offer you my lunch apple. Thank you.

        Kelly

        1. mcullen Post author

          Kelly, thanks for the chuckle! Marlene

    2. James Seamarsh

      Kelly, liked your phrase, “nor is anything in my life worth recording; yet I have put all my vitality into it.” Also liked “build up reserves of energy which serve to protect the sensitive spots, suffering occasional frost-bite.” Thank you for sharing your writing.

      1. Ke11y

        James:

        Because I’ve read your work, your kind comments on mine are received with great appreciation.

        Kelly

  2. James Seamarsh

    I closed my eyes and took a step…

    It had been a couple months since taking the transformation seminar in the city, only a handful of short weeks, and the memory of that celebration of rebirth was already fading.

    “Why are you running?”

    She was a friend, acquaintance really, someone close enough to be comfortable asking the question, yet distant enough to keep her judgement to herself.

    Why was I running, indeed, literally running from one client meeting to the next, from building to building, block to block, out on the streets of the town I called home? What could I say? What would I say?

    “It just feels good to run.”

    The words tumbled out, like children rolling down a grassy hill on the first warm day of spring, laughing as the world turned upside down. The smile on my face stretched at my cheeks until a laugh bubbled out.

    Anita, that was her name. Anita laughed, too, sharing the joy of that moment. Our eyes met. How had I never noticed how beautiful she was? I looked away, my heart pounding with the “I want to make love to you right now” feeling that swept over me so often these days. When I looked back up, she was looking past me.

    “Got to go,” I said, looking at my watch.

    I had only three minutes to get to a meeting back at the office, down by the old railroad tracks, abandoned tracks, where I challenged myself every day with how far I could follow without falling. Today, I would walk the line blindfolded.

    I closed my eyes and took a step…

    1. mcullen Post author

      James, more exquisite writing from you. I admire your ability to bring a scene to life. . . “The words tumbled out, like children rolling down a grassy hill on the first warm day of spring, laughing as the world turned upside down.” Tumbled = strong verb highlighting the action of the children. Excellent! And the phrase “she was looking past me” illustrates how she has moved on. . . so narrator did, too.

      1. James Seamarsh

        If Love is Letting Go of Fear, as suggested by Gerald G. Jampolsky, why am I afraid of where my heart will lead me?

    2. Ke11y

      Ah, James, haven’t we all loved Anita. Be she muse or college sweetheart. Anita, the face the looks out from the window of a passing bus, smiling, and then gone.

      “The smile on my face stretched at my cheeks until a laugh bubbled out.” Beautiful.

      Kelly

Leave a Reply