The pink ladies are about to bloom in Northern California where I live. Their proper name is Amaryllis belladonna.
“A plant gone wild and therefore become
rugged, indestructible, indomitable, in short: tough, resilient,
like anyone or thing has to be in order to survive.” — The Ubiquitous Day Lily of July by David Budbill
This last sentence in The Ubiquitous Day Lily of July reminds me of our pink ladies and is the inspiration for today’s writing prompt.
Write about something you have survived.
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karen53
It’s funny. Life is so full of challenges – catastrophic life changing challenges, and everyday niggling challenges. I had always considered myself to be a pretty fearless sort. I’d gotten myself out of more than a few life threatening scrapes, involving cliffs, and rapids, and dark city streets that I had walked alone. I’d ventured into places I never should have been, and embraced risk with a naive swagger, but the fiercest challenge came softly, silently…. navigating both love and an open heart.
I lost a child. My daughter died in my arms when she was 4 months old. She’d fought a valiant battle – her little heart was malformed but indomitably tough and she’d defied many odds by living as long as she had. I struggled with so many demons during those 4 months, the most insidious of which was the desire to protect myself. To wrap myself in a cloak of logic and benign detachment. To think that I could hold some part of myself back. I could love her without truly diving into it, secretly reminding myself that this probably would not end well.
Three days before she died, I gave up the pretense that I wasn’t completely invested. I cradled her, and opened my mind to the fact that I loved her with every cell of my body, every corner of my heart. I admitted to myself that our souls were bound together. I was tied as tightly and eternally to her as I was to my older child. To survive, I had to love her knowing that I could lose her. And so I unclenched my heart. I dove head first, and I felt my heart open wide – stretching and blooming and basking in what had been there all along. It was freeing, to survive the struggle within myself, and embrace what had been there from the beginning.
And then she died, and I started to swim for my life.
mcullen Post author
Dear karen53, You have opened my eyes and my heart to a love that is so strong, so powerful, so unbreakable – between mother and baby. since we treat all writing as fiction in these kinds of freewrites, I will add that I admire the strength and courage of this narrator – both then and now, sharing this journey with readers in such an open-hearted way. In writing this, you have given us a precious gift. Thank you.
justinefos
Karen53: I have read and re-read your piece. Each time I read it, it fills my heart with such sadness, while at the same time, beauty and warmth. You have such incredibly descriptive words & expressions, painting a visual portrait of an extraordinary woman. If there is salvation in this universe, I believe you have the key.
Reading your piece again brings to mind similarity to parts of my life, though the five babes that I lost had not developed enough to survive out of my womb. The feeling of desolation because I had never been able to see them, or hold them needs to be released. Your expression that you unclenched you heart was perfect. Now I know it can be done. I will start working on doing that.
I was eventually blessed with two boys who are now grown. One married a wonderful young woman, and they have a boy and a girl… now 7 yrs old, and 5 years old. My second son has yet to find a partner. He has an extensive family of friends, male and female, most of whom I have met, and enjoy.
Your piece has helped me to appreciate them even more.
Thank You for showing your heart.
karen53
Thank you for the kind words Marlene and Justinefos – It’s a big topic to try and “wrap words around.” I’m so grateful that The Write Spot provides a place to try it.
mcullen Post author
You are very welcome, karen53. It is a big topic and I love your comment “wrap words around.” Yes, well said.
Ke11y
Surviving…a natural human instinct. We eventually survive everything; it’s just the way it is. Oh, I know, it’s no fun. I’m a survivor, just today in fact. I could have been trampled inside Costco; I kid you not. I should know to stay away from airplane hangars where they sell toilet rolls stacked to the gunnels. And because survival is everything, we buy those toilet rolls to fill up the garage, right? Maybe we are suspicious of our government, or understand that an earthquake is a very real possibility, so we buy toilet rolls. Makes sense, right?
Look, here’s the deal. I’m not happy. In fact, I’m quite angry about most things. Most of the time I have a generous sort of heart, meaning, for the most part, it’s kind and considerate. I hate Costco. I know that one day I won’t survive a visit. I’ll be killed, rolled over by a lady with a cart of mayonnaise after she blindly turns a corner while looking for a free treat in the main aisle. Tell me this – if San Francisco is full of poor people, especially those who stand at traffic signals with cardboard signs saying ‘hungry,’ why don’t we just hand them a Costco card? They can stand at the end of any aisle and eat as much as they want, right? Wait, I’m not done… and why, when standing in line with just a book to purchase, do I have to join a line of people, all of whom are anticipating that next earthquake, long enough to read it and then put it back! And where did the Costco police, standing at the exit, get their x-ray vision? The place is an asylum for people who love to wait around a lot. Still, you’ll never starve while you’re waiting, right? Anytime you want to explain all this to me I’ll be sure to give you my full attention.
mcullen Post author
Oh my, Kelly, you tweaked my interest. I avoid Costco. Fortunately, my husband loves to shop there. So he brings home the earthquake necessities and I’m fine with that. Of course, it takes me three days to figure out where to put 36 rolls of toilet paper. But hey, we’re never short of that particular item. I cannot explain the Costco buying frenzy to you, because I also wonder about things . . . like how the grande size of packages match the grande size of some of the customers, but where do these people purchase their clothing? As far as I can tell, Costco does not sell clothing sizes that match their clientele. Or, maybe they do now. It’s been awhile since I have stepped into a Costco emporium. And I’m thankful for that. Thanks for posting your entertaining observations.