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The Way Through
By Rebecca Olivia Jones
Fears change over the years
Never being good enough
The youthful drive for perfection
The impossible
Competition and proving myself
The best daughter
The best dancer
The best singer
The best at all attempts
Not possible
Time has mellowed anxieties into a soft pillow of joy
Fear now is the walk toward unknowing
A loss of self
The fading memories of life’s struggles
I witnessed Mother’s decline into helplessness
The night wanderings
The frightening hallucinations
Her ultimate vanishing
Will I vanish, too?
The slow breaking of synapses
Unable to make decisions
Thoughts like ghosts
The fear of losing control over choices
Existing in a continuum of uselessness
I also watched my father’s vanishing
But he held on
Giving until his music stopped
Perhaps, the only way through the fear is beyond thought
Beyond the unknowable
Accept what was
Hold faith in life as it is
Trust loved ones living
And love the ones who have vanished
Rebecca Olivia Jones is a playwright, singer, dancer, composer, choreographer, director, and always a poet. In 2021, Rebecca collected her poetry and lyrics, accompanied by beautiful photography into a memoir, Beachsight, available on blurb.com.
Rebecca has a B.A. in Creative Writing from New College of California. She is also a mother, grandmother, sister, and a seeker. She lives in San Rafael, California with her long-time boyfriend and their cat.
Rebecca teaches singing lessons via zoom; enjoys hiking, gardening, cooking, reading, and writing.
She is an advocate for the Alzheimer’s Association.
