Finding Time to Write

  • Finding Time to Write

    Guest Blogger Bella Mahaya Carter writes about:

    A Cure for Writer’s Block: Write without “Writing”

    Many of my students and clients tell me that they have a hard time finding the time to write. This is totally understandable. Our lives are busy. We have obligations and commitments we must fulfill, or face tangible consequences.

    Writing is not like this. Nobody knows or cares if we don’t write. 
     
    But people who have the urge (calling) to write and don’t act on it often experience dissatisfaction, even angst. They feel like they have an itch they can’t scratch. Part of the problem—what keeps people from sitting down to write—is their own imagination. They’ve made up stories about what “writing” is supposed to look like. They assume they need to carve out huge chunks of time. They believe that they have to feel energized or inspired. They might envision their writing hurting people they love. They may worry they lack talent. They’re convinced they have to know what they want to say, despite the fact that writers often have no idea what’s on their minds until they’ve written. 
     
    Drop Your Limiting Stories and Write Where You Are
     
    When you realize that these inner voices are keeping you from doing what you say you want to do—write—you get to show up exactly as you are. This means you accept yourself and your circumstances, and instead of feeling like you have to stretch into some impossible, imagined version of yourself as a writer, you take “writing” off its pedestal, cradle it in both hands, and invite it into your crowded, messy, busy life. 
     
    Ask yourself these questions: How can I make writing fit within the real world that is my life? How can I create just a little bit of space to write? Can I sit down and scribble in a journal for twenty or thirty minutes once or twice a week?  How about fifteen minutes once a week? Start small. 
     
    Some people don’t think this qualifies as writing, but experienced writers know better. Small efforts taken over time become large. Minutes become hours, so have at it: dump thoughts out of your head and onto the page. Romp around. Have fun. Take your shoes off. Strip naked. No one’s watching and there aren’t any rules. Until you start to take this process seriously, at which point you might want to hit the pause button
     
    Writing Is Not Heavy
     
    Author Jack Canfield tells a story about his spiritual teacher pointing to a boulder in the woods and asking, “Is that heavy?” Jack replied that of course it was, to which his teacher said, “It’s only heavy if you pick it up.” Trick question? Maybe, but it serves as a lesson for writers: Don’t pick up and carry heavy thoughts that prevent you from writing.
     
    If you show up for yourself in this way—even once a week—you’ll be writing without “writing,” and effortlessly developing a practice. I advise people to work by hand at this stage, which ignites the heart-hand connection. Intimacy flourishes when we bring pen to paper. Author Natalie Goldberg says, “Just because you can drive a car doesn’t mean you should stop walking.” Take one step at a time. Feel your way.
     
    Type and Edit Your Work 
     
    Once you’ve developed a “writing without ‘writing’” practice, you may want to expand that by devoting a small amount of time each week to typing up what you’ve scribbled, editing as you go. When you feel like you’ve shot your creative load with any given piece, set it aside. When you allow time to pass and come back to your work, you see it with fresh eyes. Edit some more. You’ve no doubt heard the expression “writing is rewriting.”
     
    Create Lists
     
    Keep lists of (a) journal entries that feel relevant or alive in some way that you’d like to develop, (b) typed and edited pieces in process, and (c) places to send your work when it’s ready.
     
    To recap, you’re basically just showing up a couple times a week to scribble and play in your journal, and also devoting one hour a week to typing, editing, and developing ideas that surfaced during your playtime scribble session. With these two practices in place you are “writing without writing.” But really, you’re writing! Congratulations! Keep going.
     
    My dad used to say, “If you love your work, you’ll never work a day in your life.” I’d like to add: If you don’t think of what you do as “Writing” with a capital “W,” if you shift your thinking about what it means to write and be a writer, and allow yourself to have a good, long scribble, rant, or rave, free from ego demands or expectations, you will be living the “writing without ‘writing’ life”—and loving it!

    Note from Marlene:

    The Write Spot Blog as over 475 writing prompts to spark your writing and places to submit your writing. Good Luck!

    Bella Mahaya Carter is an author, creative writing teacher, and empowerment coach, who helps writers (and others) experience greater freedom, joy, and peace of mind.

    She believes in the power of writing to heal and transform lives, and views publishing as an opportunity to deepen self-awareness, nourish meaningful connections, and delight in peak experiences while being of service.

    Bella has been teaching and coaching for over a decade. Bella coaches authors one-on-one who are ready to take a deep-dive into their writing, or need help with a book proposal, or are navigating publishing decisions, book launches, promotional activities, and more. 

    Her memoir, “Raw: My Journey From Anxiety to Joy” won a silver medal in the Mind, Body, Spirit category at the Benjamin Franklin Book Awards, sponsored by the Independent Book Publishers Association. Aspire Magazine selected Raw for its “Top Ten Inspirational Books” for June 2018, and Independent Publisher called it an “Indie groundbreaking book.”

    Note from Marlene: I highly recommend this book.

    Since the publication of her memoir, Bella has become an Anxiety-to-Joy coach. Readers reached out to her for help and she couldn’t turn them away.

    “This work has chosen me and it’s powerful. I’ve gone from being a person paralyzed by an anxiety disorder—afraid to leave my house—to someone who teaches others how to holistically heal anxiety! I never planned this; life unfolds in mysterious ways, and I’m both honored and grateful to be of service in this way.”
      
    Bella’s Blog explores intersections between the writing life, spirituality, and personal transformation and growth. She writes about how to stay sane and joyful as a writer, from inspiration to publication, and beyond. She is concerned with the whole-person—body, mind, and spirit. Her posts include information about self-care, nourishment, mental health (especially anxiety), and more. She is a healer.



  • I didn’t want to go.

    “I didn’t want to go but I’m glad I did.”

    Bella Mahaya Carter’s title for her early December email caught my attention, probably because so many times I didn’t want to go but I was glad I went.

    Here’s what Bella wrote:

    Dear Friends,

    I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are enjoying the holiday season! 

    Today’s post is about showing up for ourselves and for each other.
     

    This past Monday night, I did not want to attend Forest Lawn’s annual “Lights of Remembrance: An Evening of Honoring the Memories of Your Loved Ones.” I was tired (hadn’t slept well the night before) and felt like I was getting sick. I also didn’t want to drive twenty miles at night to a place I’d never been, or go alone (my husband was too tired and my friend declined). I wanted to stay home, lounge by the fireplace, and watch The Crown
     
    I also did not want to kick off my holiday season with sadness. I did not want to do the grief dance. (My mom died seven years ago, in December.) I did not want to be reminded about the ways I’d failed her.
     
    But Melissa Gould was the guest speaker. I had to go. Melissa is a former student of mine, whose memoir Widow. . . ish, is being published by Little A books next year. Witnessing her journey has been remarkable.
     

    When she first showed up in my class, Melissa had recently lost her husband and was grieving. An award-winning screenwriter, Melissa’s inclination was to write fiction, but she needed to tell her own story. She didn’t yet understand the value her personal narrative held, nor the healing that would come as a result of sharing it. But she showed up in a big way (even when it was scary). 

    She began her process by writing simple exercises from class prompts, which over time became seeds from which essays sprung about her life as a young widow. Her essays have since been published in The New York Times, the Los Angeles TimesThe Washington PostThe Huffington PostThe Girlfriend by AARPBuzzfeed, and elsewhere. 
     
    In addition to all the other reasons I didn’t want to go, I told myself it would be better if I got dressed up. I thought the event was happening at a sanctuary, which made it feel like an occasion, but the last thing I felt like doing was putting on heels or makeup. 
     
    But then I realized that all had to do was show up. I set aside the need to “dress” and instead put on comfy leggings, boots, a sweater, hat, and scarf. No make-up. 
     
    When I arrived, I discovered the event was being held outdoors, and saw other people dressed casually.  


    A choir sang, Melissa read her poignant work, poems were shared, and then Melissa led a “silent reflection,” a guided meditation in which she invited the audience to close our eyes and imagine ourselves in a room with a deceased loved one. 
     
    I was with my mom in New York, in our old living room.
     
    “Can you forgive me?” I asked.
     
    “For what?” she said.
     
    “For not being more present in your life, especially as you aged.”
     
    “There is nothing to forgive,” she said.
     
    I felt the truth of that statement.
     
    Then I heard, “You were there for me in countless ways, large and small. You were a wonderful daughter.”
     
    I realized that we all do the best we can, given our consciousness and circumstances—and that this applies to me as well as anybody else. It also occurred to me that I’d been weaving (and believing) a “not-good-enough” story in my role as her daughter, and was finally able to release it.
     
    Tuesday morning I put the candle from Monday night’s ceremony on my altar, placed an empty chair beside it, and invited my mother to join my meditation. During the journal writing that followed, I wrote her a long letter. And she “wrote” back. I heard her voice and wrote what she said. 
     
    Since then I have felt her presence strongly, but instead of feeling familiar sadness, regret, and shame, I am filled with love and joy! What a sweet way to kick off the holiday season! 
     
    I keep thinking how I didn’t want to go to the event and the one thing that dragged me out of the house was that I wanted to show up for Melissa. She had demonstrated incredible tenacity, courage, persistence, and faith. This is worth celebrating.
     
    I was also grateful to receive an email from her saying that she was moved to see me there and that my presence had been a gift. She told me how writing continues to heal her and is yet another gift.
     
    What strikes me is that gift-giving is fluid and creative, and we sometimes don’t even realize what we’re giving—when or to whom. But also, we never know when we’ll receive a gift.

    I showed up for Melissa, and she showed up for me—and for everyone gathered to honor memories of loved ones. The gift I received from her was both unexpected and priceless.
     

    This is what’s possible when we show up for ourselves and for each other. 
     
    Stories nourish, heal, and uplift us all. Monday night reminded me that we rarely know the power of our own stories—until we share them!

    If you have a story you’d like to share, or if you’d like to explore what’s possible for you through writing, check out Bella’s upcoming writing circles. Start the new year (and decade!) with the gift of creative expression and healing. 
     
    Blessings and gratitude, Bella

    Bella Mahaya Carter is an author, creative writing teacher, and empowerment coach, who helps writers (and others) experience greater freedom, joy, and peace of mind. Her winter writing circles (online and on-site) begin January 29, and are filling up fast! Grab your seat while there are still openings. Bella is be happy to speak with you to answer any questions you may have. 


    Bella believes in the power of writing to heal and transform lives.

    Note from Marlene: I also believe you can use your writing to heal.