Making sense of something senseless

  • Making sense of something senseless

    I have re-read a Wall Street Journal article numerous times since its publication, July 2024, partly because of the subject, mostly because of the riveting way it was written . . . the account of the days before and after Rachel Zimmerman’s husband’s death by his own hand.

    “As a health reporter, I wrote years ago about a study that showed the psychological benefits of storytelling. I was fascinated by research that found that people felt differently about themselves and their lives when they reframed their stories so that they were agents, not victims or bystanders. Essentially, the story matters less than how we tell it to ourselves.” Rachel Zimmerman, “A Decade Ago, My Husband Killed Himself. Could I Have Stopped it?” The Wall Street Journal, July 6-7, 2024

    As Zimmerman wrote, “This is my effort to make sense of something senseless.”

    Both Zimmerman and Samantha Rose (Giving Up The Ghost) wrote about extremely difficult subjects with an eloquence that makes their writing and their stories memorable.

    The trick to writing about hard topics is to practice self-care while writing.

    Tips when writing is challenging:

    On The Write Spot website:

    How to write about difficult events without adding trauma

    Book Six in The Write Spot series:  Writing as Path to Healing

    Books by Rachel Zimmerman

    Us, After: A Memoir of Love and Suicide

    Editor/co-author, The Healing Power of Storytelling: Using Personal Narrative to Navigate Illness, Trauma and Loss

    “If we write about our pain, we heal gradually, instead of feeling powerless and confused, and we move to a position of wisdom and power.” — Louise DeSalvo, Writing as a Way of Healing

    Marlene C

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  • Loss

    Guest Blogger Sharon Ziff writes:

    I lost my gloves—the ones I bought in Venice last year. I loved them. LOVED THEM. How could I love a pair of gloves? They had a soft, fluffy pompom on the top. I liked to stroke them. It was like petting a kitty. Sadness. And upset with myself for losing them.

    So I lost a pair of gloves. How could I feel this deep emotion for a pair of gloves? It’s the attachment to my experience in Venice and my love for the friend I was with.

    Loss is a recurring theme in my writing. At times, I struggle to manage the intense feelings that accompany loss. There’s a burning sensation in my belly that I want to go away. I find myself thinking, “No, no, no,” while tears begin to flow. It’s not about the lost gloves; it’s about the impermanence of life.

    To cope, I have established a gratitude practice, focusing on appreciating the little things. Friendships are crucial in supporting me through my feelings and creating a safe place for expression. I have friends with whom I can laugh after the tears have flown.

    Meditation and journaling help me process my emotions and provide a calming effect. I also have a favorite playlist that serves as a therapeutic outlet, allowing  me to reflect and connect with positive memories.

    Change and loss are a part of life. Aging brings about losses with a decline in health. You may slow down and cannot do everything you did when you were younger. Retirement brought changes. You are adjusting to a new routine or lifestyle you may not have anticipated. Give yourself time. What are some of your passions that can still provide you with a fulfilling life? Focus on them.

    We can be prepared for change and build resiliency as we age. Prepare for the practice of accepting what is.

    As Frank Ostaseski writes in “Five Invitations,” Welcome everything, push away nothing. It doesn’t mean you have to like it. Then focus on what you can do.

    Embrace the joys. As the song goes, “Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, and don’t mess with mister in between!”

    Sharon Ziff, RN, spent twelve years as a Hospice Nurse where she learned about end-of-life issues and the importance of the preparations to die with dignity.

    Sharon is certified in the “Authentic Presence: Contemplative End of Life Care Training,” a specialized program, and is committed to providing the Community Education Project called “Let’s Speak About Death.”

    Links to The Write Spot Blog posts about loss:

    How to Write About Your Loss

    Healing Starts When You . . .

    Writer Wounds and Scar Tissue

    “The Write Spot: Writing as a Path to Healing” contains lists of valuable resources, including the restorative power of putting uncomfortable memories to paper.

    Marlene C

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  • Healing Starts When You . . .

    “Healing starts when you write about what happened and how you felt about it then, and how you feel about it now.

    And in order for our writing to be a healing experience, we need to honor our pain, loss and grief.” — “Opening Up By Writing It Down” by James Pennebaker

    “The Write Spot: Writing as a Path to Healing” has an expansive section on how to write about difficult subjects without adding trauma.

    Marlene C

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  • Quotes for a rainy day

    Are you a planner or a worrier?

    What is the difference?

    I’m a worrier, trying to be a planner. I imagine what could go wrong so I can plan for when that happens. I suppose I should say “if” it happens. My worries seldom happen. Instead, things happen that I could never have imagined.

    But, as Leo Buscaglia said, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.”

    A therapist said to me, “Worry is modern man’s voo-doo.”

    I get that.

    “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”– Erma Bombeck

    Well, as I sit and rock, I could plan what I would do if my worries came true.

    “When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” – Winston Churchill

    So where does that leave us? Some writers play the “what-if” game all the time. They get some of their best ideas that way.

    I think we need to know when our worry-thinking disables us and when our worry-thinking helps us.

    It’s good to have a plan if an immediate evacuation becomes necessary, such as having a to-go bag ready to go at a moment’s notice. And having an emergency kit easily accessible is a good plan.

    Being positive can help worriers. Not dwelling on “something bad is bound to happen.” But rather, be prepared.

    Part of that preparation might be positive thinking for mental health.

    “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” — Helen Keller

    In times of difficulty, or chaos, “look for the helpers,” as Mr. Rogers said.

    “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!” Audrey Hepburn

    “Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” — Maya Angelou

    What’s your takeaway today?

    Are you going to worry or are you going to plan?

    I’ll probably do a little of both.

    The Write Spot: Writing as a Path to Healing has a wonderful self-care section, positive planning for mental health and physical well-being.

    Marlene C

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